Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option ?

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Introduction

Violence and criminality seem familiar with the children recently.

Therefore

Linking Words

, lack of emotional support and social interaction is claimed by psychologists as the cause for the treacherous behaviour amongst children. I agree with the statement that relatives and peripherals give certain impact on child development.

Body paragraph 1

In general, family was the

first

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place for every youngster to get an education.

Also

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, emotional assistance commonly gets from relatives and acquaintances. But, what if a child was not receiving assistance from his closest network, in consequence, growing counter tradition and culture is commonly found.

Besides

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, self-control of themselves will fade throughout the time as well, as s result, they tend to fulfil whatever the emotion stimulates them.

For instance

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, if someone annoys them, they would not hesitate to take a fist and fight against the individual to win the situation.

Body paragraph 2

Other than that, situations around them

also

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have some effects on a child’s psychological development. In fact, people have a nature to reflect on what they see around them, especially for those who do not have enough self-control over temptation.

For example

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, if a kid is brought up in where violence is the way to solve problems, it will soon persuade them to do the same thing in the future.

Thus

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, fighting might seems like a common thing to do and need no hesitation to do so.

Conclusion

In conclusion, relatives and surroundings hold a crucial role in a kid’s behaviour toward another.

Besides

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, if they didn’t get enough support, a chance for them to go against the humane law is tremendous.

Donny Nurhadi Tan

Jul 8, 2020

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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