IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

the world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and governments should stop spending large amounts of many on their armed forces. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #place #years #governments #amounts #forces
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Nowadays many countries around the world are investing an ample amount of
money
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 on their armies. Even though the number of wars has decreased over the
last
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 century,
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security
Suggestion
the security
 of nations is still a concern for many. I partially agree with the statement as spending huge amount of
money
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 on
security
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 may hinder the
development
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 of the
country
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. Wars may not be an issue anymore, but the importance of military forces can be seen in many other areas.
Security
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 forces are required to counter the terrorist attacks happening over the globe and to safeguard the
country
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's border.
Furthermore
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 armies protest on an international front, they are
also
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 essential to handle internal turmoils. During any emergency situations in nation like natural calamities or riots, armed forces are summoned to carry out relief operations. Overspending on
security
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, demands a large investment in weapons and war technologies which needed to be imported internationally.
This
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 may trap many developing countries into debt from international bodies.
For example
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, the government of Pakistan has incurred huge loans and due to which it has not been able to invest enough
money
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 in
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development
Suggestion
the development
 of its
country
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. The
money
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 of the nation must be utilised for healthcare, education and employment needs of the
country
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. The
development
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 in science and technology, infrastructure and agricultural field
also
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 need great financial sources. In conclusion, reduced wars are no assurance of overall peace in the world.
Hence
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, armed forces are still required to maintain
security
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;
however
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 the government should prioritize the
development
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 its citizens. The expenditure on armed forces be limited to a container extent.
Submitted by Darshita Pangam on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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