IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is a discourse about
phone
Use synonyms
 usage by
children
Use synonyms
 during the
school
Use synonyms
 day. Some argue that it should be prohibited,
while
Linking Words
 others feel it should be allowed. From people who share the view to ban
phone
Use synonyms
 usage in
school
Use synonyms
, they noted
this
Linking Words
 rule is necessary to keep
children
Use synonyms
 focused on studying and prevent them from being distracted by other things like games on their
phones
Use synonyms
. It should be understood that
children
Use synonyms
 still lack self-control and need to be disciplined. Keeping them away from playing around at least during the
school
Use synonyms
 hours, hopefully, can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get good grades and save their futures. On the other
side
Check wording
hand
show examples
, some people
also
Linking Words
 mentioned that a
phone
Use synonyms
 can
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
be used to study in
school
Use synonyms
. Making
children
Use synonyms
 read books or take a quiz from their
phone
Use synonyms
 is the same as encouraging them to use technology not only for fun or leisure, but
also
Linking Words
 to learn.
This
Linking Words
 will expose them to another way of studying and show the kids that their
phone
Use synonyms
 can be used for positive activities as well.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, teachers can explore the option to adapt
phones
Use synonyms
 as a learning system and use them at certain times.
This
Linking Words
 effort can balance the need of being open to advances in technology,
while
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 maintaining the importance of learning for the new generation. In conclusion, whether
phones
Use synonyms
 can be used in
school
Use synonyms
 or not depends on the agreement between the
school
Use synonyms
 and the parents. Telling the students not to bring
phones
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 can increase their productivity,
while
Linking Words
 allowing
phones
Use synonyms
 may train them to be adaptive. Both have their own good sides and give benefits to the kids.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer by stating your opinion more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words between your ideas to make it flow better.
task achievement
Provide a specific example to support the positive use of phones, like a study app.
coherence and cohesion
You clearly present both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well and reflects on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
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