Some industrialised countries have serious environmental problems. The damage to the environment is an inevitable result when a country tends to improve the standard of living. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays industrialized nations tend to
lead to
Verb problem
be
concern
about pollution Replace the word
concerned
that
released by factories that Correct pronoun usage
apply
was
constructed to provide citizens with civilization. Change the verb form
were
This
essay will elaborate on both Linking Words
positive
and negative effects of outcomes Correct article usage
the positive
that
caused by Correct pronoun usage
apply
refine
of living standards. A great Wrong verb form
the refining
number
of regions tend to construct plants with the target Use synonyms
to create
national products. Change preposition
of creating
For instance
, Linking Words
majority
of them Correct article usage
the majority
located
close to Add a missing verb
are located
city
with the aim Add an article
the city
a city
to transport
manufactured goods easily, Change preposition
of transporting
however
governments do not consider about consequences that may be caused by emissions. Other humans believe that having factories Linking Words
do
not make Correct subject-verb agreement
does
huge
impact on Add an article
a huge
milieu
, despite Correct article usage
the milieu
that
fact that pollution is the Correct determiner usage
the
number
one issue that an agenda of instance debate. Use synonyms
In addition
to pollution, deforestation may lead to Linking Words
lack
of fauna in urban Correct article usage
a lack
ares
. A huge Correct your spelling
areas
number
of trees Use synonyms
being
cut to make way for buildings that will Add a missing verb
are being
build
Wrong verb form
be built
up for providing
human beings with better facilities. Change preposition
to provide
However
, if citizens construct their housing by themselves, it will be more problematic with regard to the issue that a greater Linking Words
number
of plants will be Use synonyms
cutting
down. Law representatives try to afford modification with the unavoidable impact on nature. By providing dwellers with the work place a great Wrong verb form
cut
number
of jobs will be profitable. A huge Use synonyms
number
of money will be Investigated in forest conservation. Many Use synonyms
researches
have found that countries with Correct your spelling
researchers
the
high salaries are more allocate financial support in the field of environment and the main reason is that their industries become independent of natural resources Correct article usage
apply
such
as coal and oil. From what has been discussed, one can reach a conclusion that emissions and deforestation with the purpose to be industrialized caused dangers to the milieu, Linking Words
meanwhile
employment could be Add a comma
meanwhile,
source
of finance that might be useful in saving flora. Add an article
a source
the source
Hence
, I believe that human beings with being closely connected to nature have to protect the main resource of living.Linking Words
Submitted by Dilnaz Torina on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a basic ability to articulate arguments, but there are logical inconsistencies and the ideas are not well connected. The structure of the essay is not easy to follow, and the introduction and conclusion lack clarity.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address the task, but the response is not fully developed. The ideas are not effectively presented and lack depth and detail. The examples provided are relevant, but they are not well elaborated upon.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite