IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Schools should cut out music to focus on subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#schools #music #focus #subjects #information #technology
It is held a concept that schools ought to take the
subject
 like
music
 out in order to focus mainly on other subjects,
for example
, information technology or academic
subject
. From my point of view, I do not agree with
this
 idea for many reasons, described in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with the value, the
music
subject
 is one of the most pleasurable subjects for many students by helping many students to recharge their batteries after they are being tired of coping with a lot of academic subjects,
for instance
, mathematic or sciences, and
thus
 the
music
 theater or even the musical class is one of the great places for the social gathering of students that want to do the same activities.
Moreover
, they are capable of communicating and sharing a lot of things in their lives for relaxing themselves from the stress during the class from that place. There is an idea that the institute should reconsider about changing the position of the
music
subject
 to be non-compulsory and alternative
subject
 due to the fact that many students are forced by the
school
 to learn
this
subject
instead
 of the opportunity to choose on their own.
For instance
, the hours of learning
music
Suggestion
the music subject
subject
, which is necessary for the grade in
school
, and if they miss the class, they might get resigned from the
school
. In
this
 way, pupils can have their own choice to select what are they really interested in, and go for it with the full of happiness. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with
this
 viewpoint since it seems to me that
music
subject
 is important and should not be cut from the
school
 from considering its value of
this
subject
, which is numerous.
Submitted by NAT NATTANAN on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: