IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

“Some people think that Government should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion”

#“some #people #government #measures #health #citizens #individuals #opinion”
Although
, it is thought by some, developing the well-being of its citizens, the Government ought to be taken several factors; other people believed that the focus should be on individual capability. In my opinion, I think that governments ought to be needed to give a primary eye on
health sector
Suggestion
the health sector
 to save its citizens life from various diseases and give them fundamental rights. On the one hand, some people think that to save their citizen's life from critical diseases and get better facility from hospitals and doctors, Governments must take several ways to develop the
health
 sectors and I agree.
In other words
,
health
 is fundamental needs for everyone, so it is a big responsibility for governments to implement high-quality medical facility like hospital, doctor, medicine and so on.
As a result
, the public will get more and more scope to diagnose and decide the best option for their treatment.
Furthermore
, Governments should invest more money to develop the
health
 sector by expanding research program and add modern technical machine for better treatment.
On the other hand
, it is often believed that it is better if the emphasis on individual capability is more beneficial for people to protect them from illness.
For example
, average people in Bangladesh do not afford the expensive medical cost due to their financial problems.
This
 will result in an increasing number of sick people from our large population. Another possible reason is that, our citizens have lack of knowledge about
health
, so they get cheated from private organizations.
Moreover
, it brings more danger for people because when they try to manage it individually and find no results. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I think that government’s primary work to implement much more effective measures to develop public
health
.
Submitted by Candor Khan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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