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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #technology #man
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Many believe that
technology
 has made individuals more sociable by providing platforms for
communication
 and interaction. In my opinion, I agree to a certain extent that
technology
 has enhanced socialization;
however
, it has
also
 led to some negative consequences in human connections. It is my view that
technology
 has indeed facilitated greater social interaction.
For instance
, social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter have created spaces where
people
 from all corners of the globe can communicate and share experiences. Video conferencing tools,
such
 as Zoom or Skype, have made it easier to stay in touch with family and friends, no matter the geographical distance.
Furthermore
, online communities allow individuals with shared interests to come together, fostering a sense of belonging among like-minded
people
. These developments, in my opinion, have strengthened connections and broadened opportunities for socialization.
In contrast
, some
people
 claim that
technology
 has actually made individuals less social. They firmly insist that excessive use of social media and digital devices leads to social isolation and detachment from real-world interactions. Their argument is based on the observation that
people
 often prioritize virtual
communication
 over face-to-face meetings.
However
, I do not find
this
 argument convincing as it overlooks the fact that
technology
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when used in moderation, can complement and enhance real-life interactions rather than replace them.
Moreover
, global
communication
 through
technology
 has the potential to bridge cultural gaps, fostering deeper understanding and collaboration across borders. In conclusion, I completely agree that
technology
 has provided new platforms for social interaction and has made
people
 more connected globally.
However
, I
also
 acknowledge that overreliance on digital
communication
 could hinder genuine human connections.
Therefore
, it is essential to strike a balance between using
technology
 for social purposes and maintaining meaningful in-person relationships.
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task achievement
To make your argument even stronger, you could include more specific examples or data to back up your points. This could elevate your essay to an even higher level and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are very clear, ensuring all ideas are equally developed would provide an even greater level of coherence. For instance, presenting a counterargument with slightly more depth would balance the essay more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines your perspective and provides a solid foundation for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and underscores the importance of balancing digital and in-person interactions.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is very strong, and your arguments flow smoothly from one point to the next.
supported main points
Your essay remains focused on the topic throughout and all main points are supported with relevant arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social interaction
  • connect
  • communicate
  • video conferencing
  • stay in touch
  • online communities
  • forums
  • like-minded individuals
  • global communication
  • collaboration
  • access to information
  • knowledge
  • bridge the gap
  • social isolation
  • detachment
  • face-to-face communication
  • genuine human connection
  • maintain
  • real-life interactions
  • balance
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