IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

many doctors say that people in today's world do not do enough physical exercise what do you think are the causes of this what solutions are there to this problem?

#doctors #people #world #exercise
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life
Suggestion
Life
 of today is
fast
Accept comma addition
fast, then
then
Linking Words
fater
be unsure or weak
falter
faster
father
, as we all are living metro
lifes
a formation of people or things one beside another
lines
lives
life's
 and at the same
time
Use synonyms
 everyone is addicted to technology. No doubt due to
technology
Suggestion
the technology
 we are living comfortably in some aspects, but in
this
Linking Words
 robotic world
indivisuals
a human being
individuals
 are depending on the machinery
therefore
Linking Words
 become lazy
,
Accept space
,
couch
patatoes
an edible tuber native to South America
potatoes
.
Linking Words
although
Suggestion
Although
 no one
is giving
Suggestion
is given
will be given
 enough
time
Use synonyms
 to do
exercise
Use synonyms
 and facing health issues. I am going
tto
in the direction of
to
 discuss few causes and solution in
subsequent paragraph
Suggestion
subsequent paragraphs
a subsequent paragraph
the subsequent paragraph
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
,
Accept space
,
humans are depending on machinery
,
Accept space
,
and in the race of earning money
.
Accept space
.
Therfore
Suggestion
Therefore
, every individual is doing their jobs day and night and neglecting their health.
employees
Suggestion
Employees
 start their work early in the morning and finish the shift late at night as they are tired and
du
owed and payable immediately or on demand
due
do
 to bound to the jobs they have to start their work early in the morning in
next
Linking Words
 day
also
Linking Words
.
because
Suggestion
Because
 of busy schedule no one has
time
Use synonyms
 to do
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Accept space
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in the rat race no one has
time
Use synonyms
 to eat healthy food
.
Accept space
.
As there is a trend now to have lunch out by avoiding home cooked food
,
Accept space
,
reguler
in accordance with fixed order or procedure or principle
regular
irregular
 eating of junk causes
obesiy
more than average fatness
obesity
 and caught by cardiac
diesease
an impairment of health or a condition of abnormal functioning
disease
.
Linking Words
furthermore
in addition
Furthermore
,
Accept space
,
we can avoid harmful cardiac diseases and other health issues
,
Accept space
,
by adapting
healthy lifestyle
Suggestion
a healthy lifestyle
.
people
Suggestion
People
 should make a timetable in which they have
atleast
Suggestion
at least
 10 minutes to
exercise
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 avoid eating junk from outdoor
instead
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 they can take their food along from home
,
Accept space
,
there are some healthy manners like use of stairs
instead
Linking Words
elevtor
lifting device consisting of a platform or cage that is raised and lowered mechanically in a vertical shaft in order to move people from one floor to another in a building
elevator
,
Accept space
,
use of
feets
the part of the leg of a human being below the ankle joint
feet
fats
feats
 rather
Linking Words
then
conjunction used in comparatives
than
vhicles
a conveyance that transports people or objects
vehicles
 for nearby places.
in
Suggestion
In
 conclusion,
exercise
Use synonyms
 is a need of strong and good physic we should do
exercise
Use synonyms
 in routine and
adpt
choose and follow; as of theories, ideas, policies, strategies or plans
adopt
adapt
 some healthy manners like
balanced diet
Suggestion
a balanced diet
 and avoiding
fries
Suggestion
fried
.
Submitted by Navpreet Kaur on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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