IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some think that students must travel to another country in order to learn its language and customs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #students #travel #country #language #customs
Since
Change preposition
For
show examples
ages
Add a comma
ages,
show examples
 people
love
Wrong verb form
have loved
show examples
 travelling to gain knowledge about people, places, languages, and life. It is often argued that one must visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the place to know about its language and culture. I completely agree with the stated notion and reasons for the same have been discussed below. The prime reason for
this
 could be the experiences that are gained from visiting.
In other words
, it is better to do the practice than to learn it by reading.
Additionally
, learning does not get dull and boring because of practical knowledge. When you travel, you directly engage yourself in the use of the language and the traditions. Ordering food at a local shop could be an example of learning the language in a foreign place.The local people mostly don't know your dialect so in order to communicate you learn basic words unconsciously.
Hence
, moving to a different country to learn about its traditions and linguistic culture is commendable.
However
, there is another stratum of society that believes that one can learn about another country by reading books and watching documentaries. Despite the fact that the internet provides us with a variety of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 to learn about other places it cannot be compared with the personal experiences gained by visiting.
Even there
Rephrase
There
show examples
 are various researches in
this
 regard.
For example
,
according to
statics
Correct your spelling
statistics
show examples
 by Harvard
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 students who travelled to Japan to learn Japanese outperforms the results of those who stayed at the college and learned it by reading books and various contents from the internet. It
clear
Add a missing verb
is clear
show examples
 that travelling makes
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
 to grasp another society. Conclusively,
according to
 me migrating to another area
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
 about
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 cultural heritage is entirely justified.
Submitted by Nisha Kumari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear response to the task, expressing a strong agreement with the notion that to learn a language and customs, one must travel to the country. Ensure to address both sides of the argument for a well-rounded discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a generally clear logical structure and is well supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction and conclusion need to be more developed and connected to the main body of the essay for a better flow of ideas and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: