IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays children spend time more on computer games rather than physical exercise. What reason behind this is? It is negative or positive?

#children #time #computer #games #exercise #reason
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Spending children's time on virtual games
instead
Linking Words
 of physical exercise is becoming an increasingly popular concern among the parents. There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
 frame mindset. In my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 is negative effects on children's holistic
development
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, urbanization eliminated public playgrounds from cities and towns. Thanks to the
development
Use synonyms
 of all those housing complexes and shopping centres the cities have become more congested than ever, leaving no room for little ones to enjoy outdoor games like cricket or football. Since playing
such
Linking Words
 sports in narrow streets cause disturbance to apartment dwellers, parents are forced to keep their children indoors. The security of children has
also
Linking Words
 become a cause for concern. Parents are becoming wary of letting their children play outside. So, to keep them engaged indoors, they equip their children with video games, computers and smart phones.
As a result
Linking Words
, children are getting detached from the benefits of playing outside.
This
Linking Words
, unfortunately, affects their physical and intellectual
development
Use synonyms
. Sitting in front of a computer or gaming console for long hours can affect the eyesight of children and make them obese. Studies have shown that physical activity helps the
development
Use synonyms
 of cognitive abilities like decision-making and problem-solving. Sports and games
also
Linking Words
 teach children crucial life skills
such
Linking Words
 as team spirit and the ability to take success and failure alike. When children do not engage in sports, they are losing an opportunity to master these life lessons. To conclude, video games might keep children engaged for hours on end, but they do not help the overall
development
Use synonyms
 of children. So I strongly believe that spending too much time on playing computer games can be very harmful for the upcoming generation.
Submitted by Dr.ritesh Patel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: