IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Traditional ideas from older people about the way to live and behave are not helpful to young people and their futures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The younger generation considers advice about
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and the future from elders useless. Personally, I think the ideas of older individuals are incredibly helpful and useful to the younger generations.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the essay will discuss whether
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 opinion is true or false. First of all, it is a known fact that the ideas about family, children, job atmosphere, and marriage
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 have timeless value for the human being. Undoubtedly, since
older
Correct article usage
the older

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 population have been more challenged, and been through several problems during their lifetimes, they might have more experience than young individuals. Despite the fact that older humans have complicated relationships with the modern world and new innovations, still the lifelong ideas and values about community, family and so on will forever be superior.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, having a great understanding of family values that older people give advice on would make a family have better relationships with each other .
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the younger generation might be able to utilize elders'
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 experiences and make use of their past flaws.
Younger
Add an article
The younger

The noun phrase Younger population seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 population would not make the same mistakes as the elders' did back in time, since they already gained an understanding of those faults. To give an example, learning the basics of work ethics and learning from the mistakes of older retired people might help with being successful at their jobs.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we, as the younger generation, are blessed to have the chance to acquire great values from older generations.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 they cannot adapt well to the modernized world and technology, I agree that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
 their
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and work experience would be extremely helpful to the future.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence supporting the younger generation's perspective on elder advice, which would strengthen your argument. Including research or statistics could introduce additional depth to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's coherence could be improved by smooth transitions between points. For instance, linking the main ideas with clearer connectors will enable the reader to follow your arguments better.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly presenting your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You have provided clear and logical points with evidence to support the viewpoint that traditional ideas are beneficial.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing the value of older generations' ideas despite technological advancements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traditional values
  • Adaptation
  • Innovation
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Timeless values
  • Modern challenges
  • Competitive
  • Hard work
  • Perseverance
  • Compliance
  • Suppression of creativity
  • Individuality
  • Progressive thinking
  • Wisdom
  • Elders
  • Past mistakes
  • Foundation
  • Community
  • Technology
What to do next:
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