Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing, martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sports #violence #arts #tv #competitions

A variety of sports from individual sports like boxing, judo and

kickboxing

team

correct by punishment or discipline

tame

ones has been included in big sporting events

such

Olympic games

Suggestion

the Olympic games

. According to some, sports fostering

violence including

Accept comma addition

violence, including

martial arts should be prohibited from international sporting occasions and TV broadcast.

Although

the origin of some of those sports dates back to old-time, I am inclined to agree with the prohibition of running

such

international competitions as well as broadcasting to a great extent due to high risk of injury and foster the mentality of fighting.

To begin

with, those sports involve a high level of risk and only one mistake can cost a

player

Suggestion

player's

life. Despite the fact that extreme sports are beneficial to promote physical fitness as well as mental health quite similar to other sports, they usually are a combination of several sports

that

is more likely raise

Suggestion

has most likely raised

has more likely raised

more likely raises

the possibility of being injured.

For instance

, the use of knives and swords Wushu and Kungfo, which are originally

come

Suggestion

coming

from China, make them more dangerous.

Hence

, they are far more hazardous to athletics in comparison with the other sports.

Additionally

, the promotion of violent

behaviors

manner of acting or controlling yourself

behaviour

might be a serious consequence of watching those

competitions particularly

Accept comma addition

competitions, particularly

among school children due to

skills

Suggestion

the skills

and techniques that simulate real fight scenes.

Furthermore

, children enjoy the natural aptitude for the imitation those of skills. If there was not a good care of them, they would injure themselves and likely their peers seriously.

Therefore

, Tv programs regarding the martial arts should be removed from TV channels. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that removal of dangerous sports not only from big sporting

events but

Accept comma addition

events, but

also

from the display can be a right decision. Since

primary purpose

Suggestion

the primary purpose

a primary purpose

of doing sports is to have a healthy life.

Submitted by Mohammad Reza Anari on Sun Jul 19 2020

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

300 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

combat sports
glorification of violence
impressionable audiences
cultural heritage
self-discipline
sportsmanship
media portrayal
regulatory measures
censorship
psychological impact
broadcasting regulations
watershed timing
advocates and opponents
ethical considerations
economic implications

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