IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units. What are the causes of this trend? Is this a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern society, there is a tendency
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
 the public
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
show examples
 alone or make small size of families. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss why it can be considered as progress.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are some obvious causes of the issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the living cost today is higher than in the past.
Due to
Linking Words
 the global financial crisis, a number of
people
Use synonyms
 have difficulties in living, meaning that
people
Use synonyms
 make the same amount of income,
while
Linking Words
 they have fewer abilities to afford product prices.
For example
Linking Words
, in Sydney Australia, the house price increased more than three times compared to 20 years ago. Which can lead
people
Use synonyms
 to give their marriage up or make families with their parents.
Also
Linking Words
, youngsters want to be independent from their parents. Young
people
Use synonyms
 find it happier to live alone.
This
Linking Words
 is because young adults can guarantee their own time and space. It seems like no one would interfere with them. Considering the reasons mentioned above, the trend towards living alone is obviously beneficial since they can enjoy their life. First of all, living individuals enables
people
Use synonyms
 to have more spacious places in their homes. The public no longer shares their spaces with their families so that they can do their hobbies at home.
For example
Linking Words
, in Korea, young individuals own two-bedroom apartments alone, and
therefore
Linking Words
 they can put physical equipment at home to exercise.
Moreover
Linking Words
, citizens can relax more at their home.
In other words
Linking Words
, when they stay with their parents or other
people
Use synonyms
, they might get stressed from others. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 can be happier by living only themselves
such
Linking Words
 as having more space for hobbies and getting less stress from others.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Enhancement
Develop a clearer, more detailed introduction. Briefly outline the main causes and state whether the development is positive or negative.
Topic Sentence Clarity
Include a more explicit topic sentence in each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea.
Support Expansion
Expand your support for main points with more diverse examples and explanations.
Cohesion Improvement
Try to enhance the linkage between ideas and paragraphs for smoother transitions and to strengthen the overall cohesion.
Balanced Discussion
To directly address the question, ensure to discuss both the positive and negative aspects if the question asks for them.
Grammar & Vocabulary
Consider revising for grammatical accuracy and precision in word choice to improve clarity.
Clear Stance
Provides a clear stance on the issue, identifying it as a positive development.
Example Use
Offers relevant examples to support points, enhancing the argument's validity.
Conclusion Attempt
Attempts to conclude with a summary of the main points and a reaffirmation of the personal stance.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: