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Writing Samples
Band 5

The number of old people around the world is increasing dramatically. Could this have more positive or negative effects on society?

#people #world #effects #society
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The life expectancy of
aged
Suggestion
age
aging
 citizen has been remarkably increased. There have been ongoing debates whether ageing population is beneficial for society or not. Some people opine that seniors, who often have more life experience, contribute to the surrounding in some ways,
such
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 as sharing knowledge with other and taking care of children.
However
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, few others claim that they are
burden
Suggestion
a burden
 on their children and more prone to illness.
Therefore
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, before arriving at a decision, both views will be examined. Discussing the
first
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 view, the foremost arguments
puts
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put
 forward is that older teachers, who are often more experienced, are the witness of the history and they can reveal the past to us
more practically
Suggestion
more practical
more practice
 than others.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
older person
Suggestion
an older person
older people
 can be a good companion
to
Suggestion
for
 the kids. To exemplify it, there is a paradigm of several cases where young members of a family are busy outside and cannot manage time to share with offspring. In those cases, old masses of the family seem to a perfect partner for toddler and can help them to grow up in a family environment rather than in a day-care-
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
Center
.
Moreover
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, the nursing home comes with a hefty price. On the flip
side
Use synonyms
, there are others who do not agree with the aforementioned
side
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. They have
opposite notion
Suggestion
an opposite notion
 and reckon that
drawbacks
Suggestion
drawback
 overweigh the advantages. The
first
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 most valid reason they give is that elders cannot do much physical labour and
that is
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 why, they have
fewer
Suggestion
little
 practical contribution to the society compared to their counterparts.
Thus
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, they are considered to be
burden especially
Suggestion
burden, especially
burdened especially
burdened burdened especially
 in those areas whose people suffer from extreme poverty as more attention and extra care has required for them. Apart from
this
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, it has been proved from ages that man, at a certain age,
are
Suggestion
is
 more susceptible to developing numerous diseases. To illustrate, in India, the Union Health Ministry recently said that those above 60 years of age account for 60 per cent of Covid-19 deaths as the virus affects the elderly population disproportionately and fatally. Hammering
on
Suggestion
in
 the
last
Linking Words
 nail, considering everything, to give my way of thinking that the given question has both pros and cons.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, if I ponder on both aspects in detail, I come to
conclusion
Suggestion
a conclusion
the conclusion
 that positive
side
Use synonyms
 is more effective and powerful.
Linking Words
Thus positive
Accept comma addition
Thus, positive
side
Use synonyms
 should be focused on. The reason is that
although
Linking Words
 they are not much physically active, they can handle the situation in
better
Suggestion
the best
 way due to
vast knowledge
Suggestion
the vast knowledge
a vast knowledge
 of life.
Submitted by Manpreet Kaur on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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