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Writing Samples
Band 7

These days people spend more and more time at work and less time at home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #time #work #home
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Spending more
time
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 at the workplace is becoming increasingly popular nowadays.
This
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 development is beneficial to
people
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 since it allows them to gain more experience and excel at
work
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, yet there are some drawbacks to be taken into account. On the one hand, working for long
hours
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 is advantageous to
people
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 for some reasons.
Firstly
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, it provides a great opportunity for them to push themselves to their limits and learn more valuable knowledge.
This
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 is especially useful to fresh graduates who are willing to do anything it takes to gain experience.
Secondly
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, staying in the workplace for prolonged periods means employees are highly appreciated and valued as they are given a lot of
work
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 to do.
As a result
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,
this
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 may increase their chances of getting a promotion and,
therefore
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, earn more money.
For instance
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, senior developers in IT companies have more responsibilities at
work
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 and,
consequently
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, spend more
time
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 at the office.
On the other hand
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, spending more
time
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 at
work
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 has numerous disadvantages. The
work
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-life balance of
people
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 who
work
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 long
hours
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 is destroyed and they usually suffer from
high-stress
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high stress
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 levels.
As a consequence
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, they struggle with mental health issues
such
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 as depression, anxiety, and insomnia because individuals feel overwhelmed by the amount of tasks they must finish.
This
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 can be exemplified by employees who
work
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 ten
hours
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 a day
and
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apply
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arrive home exhausted and go straight to bed since they have no
time
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 to relax or take care of themselves. Another issue is that most jobs are inactive nowadays and involve
people
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 sitting in offices, which means workers end up leading sedentary lifestyles.
This
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 is detrimental to their health, as it causes obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease. In conclusion, working long
hours
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 has some benefits, yet it
also
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 has negative implications for
people
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 as it affects their mental and physical health.
Submitted by Maria .A on

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Task Response
Overall, the essay addresses the advantages and disadvantages of spending more time at work. The ideas are well-developed and the examples provided are relevant. However, there is room for improvement in supporting the main points with more detailed examples and explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points. The logical structure of the essay is clear, and the ideas are well-organized within each paragraph. However, the essay could benefit from stronger connections between ideas and improved coherence through the use of linking words and phrases.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, including advanced vocabulary related to work, lifestyle, and health. However, the essay would benefit from more precise and varied expression in some areas to enhance the lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
There is a variety of complex structures used throughout the essay, including conditional sentences, passive voice, and advanced grammatical forms. However, the essay has some errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice. Attention to these areas could improve the grammatical range.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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