IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

some people think technology development descrease crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. discuss both and give your opinion

#people #technology #development #descrease #crime
no one can deny that some people believe that
technology
development
 decreases crime rates,
while
 others prefer to think that
technology
development
 increases crime, it is important to admit that both views have their own positive sides and negative sides. in
this
 essay, I will discuss the possible reasons that support each view and what benefits and drawbacks they bring to society. on the one hand, the option to think that
technology
development
 is considered to help to decline crime rates. The most important reason is that nowadays we have cameras and security systems in public places.
For instance
, if we have CCTV we can find the criminals easily or if an offence happens in park areas, buildings or streets, specialists may find signs of the offence through innovative
technology
 and the police could reach them
due to
 the lack of evidence. Another key reason is that technological
development
 has advantages
such
 as the police immediately finding criminals by their devices through advanced innovation.
on the other hand
, despite above the argument, other people choose to think that technological
development
 has
also
 disadvantages for obvious reasons huge banks, governmental organizations and big business companies have been facing cyber attacks since cybercriminals can find ways to enter into their private devices.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 to illustrate
that
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cybercriminals might hurt others by stealing their online amount by blocking bank accounts or E-money and so on,
that is
 one of the negative sides of
technology
development
, but in my opinion, the benefits of technological innovation outweigh its drawbacks on the whole. In conclusion, it seems to me that technological
development
 decreases criminal rates for many various reasons. Innovation has more positive effects than negative ones.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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task achievement
Try to expand on and develop your main ideas more comprehensively. For instance, providing more detailed explanations and examples can enhance clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph flows logically to the next and connections between your points are clear. Better usage of linking words can help in this regard.
language
Watch out for minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. Polishing up these aspects will make your writing smoother and more professional.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and clearly conveys the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide sufficient framing for the essay's main points.
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