IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people think technology development descrease crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. discuss both and give your opinion

#people #technology #development #descrease #crime
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no one can deny that some people believe that
technology
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development
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 decreases crime rates,
while
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 others prefer to think that
technology
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development
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 increases crime, it is important to admit that both views have their own positive sides and negative sides. in
this
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 essay, I will discuss the possible reasons that support each view and what benefits and drawbacks they bring to society. on the one hand, the option to think that
technology
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development
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 is considered to help to decline crime rates. The most important reason is that nowadays we have cameras and security systems in public places.
For instance
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, if we have CCTV we can find the criminals easily or if an offence happens in park areas, buildings or streets, specialists may find signs of the offence through innovative
technology
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 and the police could reach them
due to
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 the lack of evidence. Another key reason is that technological
development
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 has advantages
such
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 as the police immediately finding criminals by their devices through advanced innovation.
on the other hand
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, despite above the argument, other people choose to think that technological
development
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 has
also
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 disadvantages for obvious reasons huge banks, governmental organizations and big business companies have been facing cyber attacks since cybercriminals can find ways to enter into their private devices.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 to illustrate
that
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cybercriminals might hurt others by stealing their online amount by blocking bank accounts or E-money and so on,
that is
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 one of the negative sides of
technology
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development
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, but in my opinion, the benefits of technological innovation outweigh its drawbacks on the whole. In conclusion, it seems to me that technological
development
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 decreases criminal rates for many various reasons. Innovation has more positive effects than negative ones.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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task achievement
Try to expand on and develop your main ideas more comprehensively. For instance, providing more detailed explanations and examples can enhance clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph flows logically to the next and connections between your points are clear. Better usage of linking words can help in this regard.
language
Watch out for minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. Polishing up these aspects will make your writing smoother and more professional.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and clearly conveys the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide sufficient framing for the essay's main points.
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