IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

How do movies or television influence people's behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

#movies #television #influence #people #behavior #support
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Hesitating I enter my house, the light outside is dimming and the shadows make everything appear unfamiliar. I know that my husband has not returned from work yet, simply because his car is not in the garage. I am alone. I carefully check all the rooms, almost expecting something to happen suddenly. I hold my bag in my hand as if it were a weapon. After the whole house has been declared "clear," I start to breathe normally again and a smile appears on my face as I realize, once again, how a simple movie seen at the cinema a week earlier can modify my actions. Sometimes I
wonder
Use synonyms
 if I should watch
TV
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, with all its shows that make me
wonder
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 whether I exercise enough, whether I am slim enough, or whether I treat my pets with the care they deserve: am I really concerned about their mental health?
Not to mention
Linking Words
 the hundreds of commercials that try to make me believe I need a water purifier to remain alive since the water I am currently drinking is heavily polluted! And countless are the times when I have heard people talking by quotations learned from movies. We need to watch shows and films to know what to say, how to be, how to act. We are so addicted to all
this
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 that it almost seems like we cannot think on our own. I cannot help thinking about what happened to me some days ago, an example that clearly shows what kind of power
TV
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 has over people. My husband and I were in a restaurant when I heard my young neighbor pronouncing violent words in a low angry voice. Surprised, I turned to better understand the situation and I saw that he was holding a fake military device and was acting as if he were filming a war movie. I am sure that if I had been a little be more updated about
this
Linking Words
 type of movie, I would have recognized what he was saying as a quotation. Now, I
wonder
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 if he uses
such
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 a language
also
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 with his friends and with his parents, if he is aggressive, and if so, whether his attitude has really nothing to do with what he watches on
TV
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. That same evening on the way home I saw two cars stopped one next to the other at a traffic light and as soon as the light turned green they started racing, in the middle of town. In
this
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 case not even a major knowledge of movies and
TV
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 programs would have helped me: there are just to many of them on the market showing the exact same thing: people racing with cars. I am sure that everybody, if asked, could easily list many other examples of how
TV
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 and movies can modify our behavior and
therefore
Linking Words
 our life but, I
wonder
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, if we will always be able to draw the line between a
TV
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 show and real life, between what they make us think we want and what
instead
Linking Words
 we really need and are and believe.
Submitted by bebe Huyền on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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