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Writing Samples
Band 8

More and more students become unemployed after graduating from university. What are the reasons and solutions for this problem?

#students #university
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Nowadays,
students
 have to face the unemployment situation after finishing their study program at the university.
This
 essay will explain the causes and provide some solutions for tackling
this
 issue. There are two main impacts that lead to the high unemployment rate in young people after graduation. The initial factor is that most
students
 have insufficient experience to be recruited by businesses. It is believed that achieving high scores in degrees easily gives graduates an ideal job.
Nevertheless
, the job requirements of each company demand a certain amount of relevant
skills
 to get hired.
Hence
, if a fresh graduate has a good result in studying but lacks experience, the rejection from companies is comprehensible.
Moreover
, some essential
skills
 are not taught in many universities.
Students
 do not know how to apply theoretical knowledge learned into practice.
That is
 the serious reason that places them in a disadvantageous position in job interviews.
However
, several measures can be taken to alleviate these causes respectively.
First,
students
 should join clubs or workshops which relate to their future occupations. In
this
 way, they can develop the necessary
skills
 and extend the circle of relationships in order to be well-informed about their career options.
Additionally
, the education system should be reformed by inserting a training program for
students
 to learn crucial practice
skills
. After being trained and educated, they can participate in the interview in a state of confidence. In conclusion, unemployment among young people today is a burning issue and affects either themselves or society.
Whereas
, it
also
 has some available solutions to address
this
 situation.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

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task achievement
Ensure all main points are well-supported with specific examples or details. For instance, mention specific workshops or clubs that help build experience.
coherence cohesion
Try adding more diverse sentence structures and transition words to enhance the flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Split longer sentences into two to ensure clarity and avoid potential confusion.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies two main causes of unemployment and gives logical solutions for each.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear separation of causes and solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a strong context and summary.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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