IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Due to the growing number of overweight people in today's society putting strain on healthcare system, some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to offer more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #strain #healthcare #system #offer #education #lessons #school #curriculum
The modern era is witnessing a greater pressure on medical facilities due to the growing obese population. Many individuals advocate the incorporation of physical education chapters in the school syllabus.
This
 essay totally agrees with the above notion as it will help people to recognise the importance of exercise and provide a platform to learn about ways to create a healthy lifestyle. Due to the growing sedentary lifestyle, people nowadays believe less in physical activities.
This
 has led to an alarming increase in the obesity related diseases.
For example
, WHO statistics reveal that 68% of the American population under the age group of 10-40 years are overweight and at the verge of getting obesity related disorders.
However
, the data
also
 reveals the fact that
this
 can be monitored by physical exercises like jogging or Yoga.
Therefore
, it is necessary that middle and high schools start with physical exercise curriculum. It will recognise the importance of exercise on health.
Furthermore
, it will indulge teens in sports. If
this
 practice continues since a tender age, it will give long term physical and financial benefits to individuals by minimising the risk of obesity disorders.
Secondly
, if Physical education is given in early stages of life, it can be imbibed forever.
For example
, the psychological department of Leeds University states that 75% of what is learned in middle and high school level is becomes personality traits at a later age.
Hence
, if physical activities, like Yoga, running are practiced as a part of the curriculum, it will become a part of one's family life afterwards. In conclusion, the system should involve physical education as the major stream of curriculum framework which will eventually reduce pressure on healthcare systems.
Submitted by Kanika Sharma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: