Due to the growing number of overweight people in today's society putting strain on healthcare system, some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to offer more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The modern era is witnessing a greater pressure on medical facilities due to the growing obese population. Many individuals advocate the incorporation of physical education chapters in the school syllabus.

This

essay totally agrees with the above notion as it will help people to recognise the importance of exercise and provide a platform to learn about ways to create a healthy lifestyle. Due to the growing sedentary lifestyle, people nowadays believe less in physical activities.

This

has led to an alarming increase in the obesity related diseases.

For example

, WHO statistics reveal that 68% of the American population under the age group of 10-40 years are overweight and at the verge of getting obesity related disorders.

However

, the data

also

reveals the fact that

this

can be monitored by physical exercises like jogging or Yoga.

Therefore

, it is necessary that middle and high schools start with physical exercise curriculum. It will recognise the importance of exercise on health.

Furthermore

, it will indulge teens in sports. If

this

practice continues since a tender age, it will give long term physical and financial benefits to individuals by minimising the risk of obesity disorders.

Secondly

, if Physical education is given in early stages of life, it can be imbibed forever.

For example

, the psychological department of Leeds University states that 75% of what is learned in middle and high school level is becomes personality traits at a later age.

Hence

, if physical activities, like Yoga, running are practiced as a part of the curriculum, it will become a part of one's family life afterwards. In conclusion, the system should involve physical education as the major stream of curriculum framework which will eventually reduce pressure on healthcare systems.

Submitted by Kanika Sharma on Mon Jul 27 2020

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Due to the growing number of overweight people in today's society putting strain on healthcare system, some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to offer more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many believe that being good at a sport is result of talent while others think that it comes from hard work. Discuss both views and give your reasons.

Nowadays, many people have easy access to computers and a large number of children play computer games.

Some employers want to be able to contact their staff all the time including holidays. Do you think the advantages of this are more than its disadvantages?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?