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Band 6.5

In your opinion, what has been the most significant transportation innovation of the past 200 years?

#transportation #innovation #years
The two
Correct article usage
Two
show examples
 decades ago, innovators improved
worldwid
Correct your spelling
worldwide
 transportation systems considerably. All trains, ships, cars ,
planes
 and so on have been produced with more proper approaches rather than past. if I had to choose one of these, I would discuss the
plane
 as the most impactful vehicle. A
plane
 is considered a substantial freight vehicle which is able to fly over a long distance and it could transport goods or
people
 expressively. Stringent fuselage which was designed technically for flying as fast as possible and a powerful motor engine make
this
 appliance one of the best choices for sending products all over the world.
For instance
, food companies use
planes
 to send or receive foodstuffs as soon as feasible because these materials have to be in specific circumstances to not expire.
Also
,
people
 can just buy a ticket and travel wherever they want in the shortest possible time.
Hence
, transporting by
plane
 is proper and rapid for both individuals and companies.
Furthermore
, governments especially militaries use
planes
 and jets for their purposes around the world. Many pilots serve their countries by
planes
 not only because they fly very long distances distinctions to defend the country's borders but they have done public or private missions.
For example
, if a war happens in a country, the military pilots gather data from above about the enemy areas.
In addition
, emergency health aid could be more accessible if jets or
planes
 are in charge.
As a result
,
people
 who work in armies or health organizations may get benefits if they use
planes
. In conclusion, the fastest and most proper vehicle in the transportation system is a
plane
. It helps both
people
 in society and politicians and military men to travel by an equipped means of transportation.
Submitted by nikimohamadi72 on

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General
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for a smoother flow.
Task Response
Provide more detailed and varied examples to support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen the transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear opinion and maintains it throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are effectively present, summarizing the main points well.
Task Response
The use of relevant examples helps illustrate and support the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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