Many people think that successful people’s accomplishments depend on the regions they come from, while other people think that it doesn’t matter where a person comes from, if that person has the will to succeed, he/she will triumph. What do you think?.

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It is a

common

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commonly

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held belief that

people

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's origins play important roles in making them successful, but many

people

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also

Linking Words

argue that it is the will to thrive that

lead

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leads

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individuals to accomplish their dreams. In my opinion, I strongly advocate that

people

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can achieve what they want regardless of where they come from. Nowadays, as the world is flat

due to

Linking Words

technological advances, opportunities are becoming borderless. In fact, the Internet has allowed

people

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from every corner of the world to reach the needed support to achieve their dreams,

such

Linking Words

as scholarships or job opportunities.

For example

Linking Words

, there are various financial funds for students from developing countries including South Africa to pursue tertiary education, and prestigious universities have seen

the

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significant

increased

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increase

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in international freshmen every year.

Consequently

Linking Words

ambitous

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ambitious

students can develop their full potential

utilizing

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by utilizing

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said resources.

Moreover

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, the current movements toward promoting mankind's equality

also

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have

huge

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a huge

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impact. Many talent acquisition programs have reached out to

people

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from different places in order to create a good public image. To illustrate, YG entertainment company- a Korean

idols

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idol

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agency have been recruiting trainees from

South East

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Southeast

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Asia countries to promote diversity in their talent profiles, giving young individuals from small countries the rare

chances

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chance

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to become

super stars

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superstars

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. Those efforts have definitely succeeded , as one of the international trainees has become the

arguetably

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arguably

greatest female

idols

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idol

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in history- Lisa Manoban from Thailand.

Hence

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, the dreams of becoming

the

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international

household's

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household

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names

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name

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have never been more realistic for anyone as long as they are willing to work hard. In conclusion, it is my

strongly

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strong

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belief that it is the will and

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

that will bring everyone the success they want, and their birthplaces are no longer a barrier.

kimtruong270192Tue May 28 2024

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grammar

Be cautious with minor grammatical errors and typos to maintain the flow and clarity of your ideas.

task response

Expanding a bit more on the examples could make your arguments stronger and more convincing.

coherence

The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument effectively.

coherence

Your points are logically organized and well-supported with relevant examples, making the essay flow smoothly from one point to another.

task response

You have provided a thorough response to the task, addressing both perspectives and presenting a well-argued opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Many people think that successful people’s accomplishments depend on the regions they come from, while other people think that it doesn’t matter where a person comes from, if that person has the will to succeed, he/she will triumph. What do you think?.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Successful sports professionals can earn much more than those in other important professions, like nurses, doctors, and teachers. Some people think it is fully justified, while others believe it is unfair. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that students should begin learning a language very early in schoop while others think these subjects should be taught later. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Employees should be allowed to enjoy longer holidays to remain motivated and attached to their employer. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?