Many people think that successful people’s accomplishments depend on the regions they come from, while other people think that it doesn’t matter where a person comes from, if that person has the will to succeed, he/she will triumph. What do you think?.
It is a
common
held belief that Change the adjective
commonly
people
's origins play important roles in making them successful, but many people
also
argue that it is the will to thrive that lead
individuals to accomplish their dreams. In my opinion, I strongly advocate that Replace the word
leads
people
can achieve what they want regardless of where they come from.
Nowadays, as the world is flat due to
technological advances, opportunities are becoming borderless. In fact, the Internet has allowed people
from every corner of the world to reach the needed support to achieve their dreams, such
as scholarships or job opportunities. For example
, there are various financial funds for students from developing countries including South Africa to pursue tertiary education, and prestigious universities have seen the
significant Correct article usage
a
increased
in international freshmen every year. Replace the word
increase
Consequently
, ambitous
students can develop their full potential Correct your spelling
ambitious
utilizing
said resources.
Change preposition
by utilizing
Moreover
, the current movements toward promoting mankind's equality also
have huge
impact. Many talent acquisition programs have reached out to Add an article
a huge
people
from different places in order to create a good public image. To illustrate, YG entertainment company- a Korean idols
agency have been recruiting trainees from Change the noun form
idol
South East
Asia countries to promote diversity in their talent profiles, giving young individuals from small countries the rare Correct your spelling
Southeast
chances
to become Fix the agreement mistake
chance
super stars
. Those efforts have definitely succeeded , as one of the international trainees has become the Correct your spelling
superstars
arguetably
greatest female Correct your spelling
arguably
idols
in history- Lisa Manoban from Thailand. Fix the agreement mistake
idol
Hence
, the dreams of becoming the
international Correct article usage
an
household's
Change noun form
household
names
have never been more realistic for anyone as long as they are willing to work hard.
In conclusion, it is my Fix the agreement mistake
name
strongly
belief that it is the will and Change the adverb
strong
hardwork
that will bring everyone the success they want, and their birthplaces are no longer a barrier.Correct your spelling
hard work
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grammar
Be cautious with minor grammatical errors and typos to maintain the flow and clarity of your ideas.
task response
Expanding a bit more on the examples could make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument effectively.
coherence
Your points are logically organized and well-supported with relevant examples, making the essay flow smoothly from one point to another.
task response
You have provided a thorough response to the task, addressing both perspectives and presenting a well-argued opinion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.