IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are riquired. Disscuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures #disscuss
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that for improving
health
Use synonyms
, the best way is that to rising gym clubs.
Although
Linking Words
, it impacts on peoples'
health
Use synonyms
, but in my view, other factors have to be regard which is discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. The
health
Use synonyms
 is an important issue for all people in the world. Individuals try to boost their immunes in any situation, it is not a commonplace issue which can easily forget, because our lives related to
this
Linking Words
. So
this
Linking Words
 is claimed that the inhabitants in everywhere doing
sport
Use synonyms
 and enhance their muscles or fresh their lungs.
For instance
Linking Words
, my friend and I jog every morning in the park and
this
Linking Words
 plan fresh my mind and helps me to do my work very well.
However
Linking Words
,
health
Use synonyms
 can effect in our lives, so striving to improve it is possible, but construct more
sport
Use synonyms
 facility to giving people
health
Use synonyms
, definitely cannot be a good decision. It might foster anyone to join in the gym club, but lifestyle of individuals depend on them. While a person has a wrong habit about eating foods and he eats junk food every meal,
nonetheless
Linking Words
 he does
sport
Use synonyms
, in my view, it cannot be efficient.
However
Linking Words
, other factors would influence on
health
Use synonyms
 to boost
such
Linking Words
 as lifestyle, regular plan for doing
sport
Use synonyms
, cut down eating junk food and high fat foods like sandwiches. These days can have seen people who have different diets,
although
Linking Words
 these can help them to lose their weight, but might hurt to their
health
Use synonyms
, so strange diets are not a good idea, while eating more vegetables and more drinks
such
Linking Words
 as water and no-suger drinks which have minerals, vitamins are best and trying to do not eat any drink that has preservatives. To sum up, more gym club would not help to individuals to boost their
health
Use synonyms
 and immunes,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 can encourage them by their advertisements, but in my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 decision which is made by people about their
health
Use synonyms
 issue correlated to their selves.
However
Linking Words
, it can have little effect, but other factors
such
Linking Words
 as lifestyle is crucial.
Submitted by M on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: