IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
The shrinking population in the
countryside
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due to
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urbanization
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, a phenomenon of rural dwellers who move to
cities
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, occurs in many countries around the world. In my view,
this
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 trend should be perceived as negative for two main reasons.
Body paragraph 1
The first reason is that
urbanization
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 leads to an increase in poverty.
Although
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 it could be argued that job vacancies could be easier to find in a city, sometimes
people
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 from rural areas who move to
cities
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 do not have adequate skills or hold proper academic certificates to secure jobs.
As a result
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, they work on any jobs to fulfil their daily needs. Unfortunately, the jobs are usually low-paid, and it is hard for them to make ends meet. Because of low-income that they have, it is becoming difficult for them to afford adequate housing in
cities
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. A by-product of
this
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 is the creation of slums. These
people
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 become trapped in a cycle of poverty
that is
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 difficult to escape.
Body paragraph 2
The second reason why
urbanization
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 is a negative trend is because it can hamper the development of the
countryside
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. To illustrate,
people
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 who do
urbanization
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 are commonly the young generation. The village will lose productive human resources if many of them move to
cities
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, potential land in the
countryside
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 is neglected,
whereas
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 the land can be a source of livelihood. The elderly
people
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 may be able to manage the land, but their ideas are usually less innovative.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
this
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 essay examined the drawbacks associated with
urbanization
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, which are the increase in poverty rates and the
impeded
Wrong verb form
impeding
show examples
 of
countryside
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 development. I,
therefore
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, remain firmly convinced that the growth of
urbanization
Use synonyms
 can only be seen as a negative influence on society.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and thorough response to the task, addressing why urbanization is perceived negatively with two well-developed main points. However, the second reason can benefit from more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure of your essay is very good, consider varying your sentence structures and using more complex sentences to enhance the flow and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your argument. This helps the reader understand your main points right from the start.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with explanations and examples, particularly your discussion on increased poverty due to urbanization.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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