IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are eating healthy food and exercising regularly. What are the reasons for that? What can we do to make other people do the same?

People
Use synonyms
never
Verb problem
have never
show examples
give
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health since ancient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. It is remarkable to see that lots of individuals are choosing healthy behaviour and
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
 diet
habit
Check wording
apply
show examples
in recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will attempt to seek the reason behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advice for the motivation to ask others to join.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the reason behind
people
Use synonyms
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 up healthy
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 is
because
Change preposition
that
show examples
 they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 stay away from their doctors, which is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 obvious benefit
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 motivate
such
Linking Words
lifestyle
Correct article usage
a lifestyle
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. What's more,
people
Use synonyms
 on diets or
keep
Correct pronoun usage
who keep
show examples
 exercising could gain a perfect body shape,
this
Linking Words
 result could encourage them to confront any difficult tasks confidently.
For example
Linking Words
, most of
leaders
Correct article usage
the leaders
show examples
 from successful companies are in good
condition
Correct word choice
physical condition
show examples
 of human body, so that diseases or
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 prevent them from operating
such
Linking Words
 a big organisation.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is reasonable that
people
Use synonyms
 choose a healthy behaviour.
Due to
Linking Words
 the reasons mentioned above, we could take some actions to stimulate more citizens to
have joined to
Wrong verb form
join
show examples
 the path toward the health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 from two sides. From the government's side, they should establish more stadiums or sporting facilities in communities for locals' convenience. From
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
part
Check wording
point of view
show examples
, restaurants could offer plenty of vegetarian options to attract customers to consume a
wild
Correct word choice
wide
show examples
 range of cuisines with zero fat.
As a result
Linking Words
, these actions could lead nations be
expanding
Wrong verb form
expand
show examples
 their life span by cultivating a significant behaviour. In conclusion, pursuing a healthy body is the most important reason for
people
Use synonyms
 could put many efforts into
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 diet and practices. To achieve
this
Linking Words
 goal, governments should create windows for citizens to start movements
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 restaurants should
also
Linking Words
 provide different options to facilitate the atmosphere of a balanced diet.

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grammar
Fix grammar and word use. Some phrases are hard to read or wrong.
structure
Make the main idea of each paragraph clear with a topic sentence.
content
Add more reasons in a simple form and link them to the rise in healthy life.
content
In the second part, give specific steps that people can take and how they can be shown in real life.
coherence
Use simple connect words to show how ideas go from one to next.
overall
The essay tries to answer both questions (reasons and actions).
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
content
Some clear ideas and examples are given.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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