IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that chilren should go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #school #age #chilren
In modern society,
this
 is the accepted knowledge that young
children
 should go to
school
.
However
, there is an argument regarding
this
 topic.
While
 some
people
 believe that young kids start studying at
school
 early because
this
 would be beneficial for them to develop their social skills, other parts of society insist that young
children
 should wait to go to an official educational institution until they are more grown-up as they should have more time within families which I personally agree with. With these viewpoints, both opinions and my perspective will be discussed below.
To begin
 with, a number of
people
 argue that schools should start to educate students when they are still young.
This
 perspective can be based on human psychosocial development. As a salient example, young students may be able to learn how to engage with their peers to play with them or how to interact with others being stuck to the rules. As humans are social creatures,
this
 would be an important part for young
people
 to increase their social skills.
For
this
 reason, the voice that young
children
 should commence their
school
 lives early,
although
 they are still too young cannot be ignored.
However
,
on the other hand
, proponents advocate that
children
 should begin their official study curriculums when they are relatively older.
This
 viewpoint can be closely associated with the rationale that young
children
 should have more time with their families as they still need to build up healthy bonds in the family.
According to
 human development, young
children
 are expected to increase their life skills within the family at
this
 stage rather than going to
school
.
Hence
, it is undeniable that
children
 should wait to go to
school
 until a certain age
such
 as 7 years old.
To conclude
,
although
 there is a group of opponents of the opinion that there would be a benefit to going to
school
 at an early age, other
people
 stand the opposite side asserting that young individuals might need to wait to enter
school
 until they are growing up more for spending more time with their family before schooling, which I am convinced.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The structure of your essay is somewhat apparent, but consider using clearer topic sentences and transitions to lead the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more specific details. This can make your arguments more persuasive and show a greater range of language ability.
task achievement
Work on developing your conclusion further. A good conclusion should not only restate your main points but also leave the reader with a clear understanding of your overall opinion on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: