IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think poverty is the reason behind most crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #poverty #reason #crimes
It is thought that impoverishment is one of the most important reasons that leads to taking part in criminal activities. While I accept that criminals are likely to break the law because of destitution. I
also
 believe that the reason for rising crimes is a lack of parental guidance. On the one hand, the reason why penury is responsible for crimes, is people who do not have jobs for a long time. Nowadays, the population has significantly increased.
Hence
, companies could not afford to meet all the workforce
as a
result people
Accept comma addition
result, people
 do not have enough money to pay for costs of living, food, bills on a daily basis. They will consider committing crimes as a way of making a living
such
 as shoplifting or
pickpocketing
 and so on.
On the other hand
, lacking in parental education plays an important role in breaking the law. These days, parents spend less time taking care of their children due to their busy work schedules. Without parents' care and monitoring, many younger people spend time with friends and might engage in criminal activities like shoplifting or drug abuse because of peer pressure.
For example
, students living in poor regions go to university in urban areas which are more likely to be addicted to playing games because of the seduction of friends. It causes them a lack of money and has to steal from others. In conclusion, It is true that many criminal activities are a direct result of destitution. Whereas, lacking in education is
also
 an important factor.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: