In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In contemporary times, there is an ongoing trend in terms of occupation, in which individuals are required to relocate to other environments to obtain a better position for their work and they have to abandon their
friends
or even their immediate families
. In this
essay, I will exhibit the reasons why the advantages of this
situation overshadow the potential drawbacks.
On one
side of the condition, employees may face the difficulties of social adaptation. Human, as a social creature, tends to be more suited to the circumstances that are convenient and familiar to them in light of their ability to conform to a certain situation that is
different from one
to another. For example
, teenagers who have graduated from their senior high school and seeking employment may have trouble managing their work-life balance of fulfilling their basic needs and want their families
or friends
to help them. While
one
may cope with the hurdle by himself, it could be different for others. This
frustrating matter may hinder people
from seeking jobs remotely in their home country
.
Meanwhile, working abroad offers more benefits than the downside, and one
of them is a higher salary. Multitudes who are working in a foreign country
often get more salary compared to in their country
. For example
, Indonesian people
with a Master's degree in International Relations can be paid about $80.000 annually by The Apple company, which means around 10 times higher than working in Krakatau Steel company in Indonesia.
Furthermore
, people
who have an occupation in a country
that is
far away from their families
and friends
can benefit from more experience. The invaluable matter that not all men or women have in this
world is the life-experience. Having a plethora of acquaintances or work relations costs an arm and leg for people
, especially for those who looking for the betterment of their lives. This
is because many companies these days will demand a good level of experience for the job applicant and to be posted in a good position in work.
In conclusion, working in a country
where people
have to be separated from their close friends
or their families
may lead to an advanced social adaptation, it indeed offers more benefits of salary and experience to enhance one
's life quality. Thus
, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Coherence & Cohesion
To further improve, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas. While the essay demonstrates effective use, exploring additional connectors could make the transitions even smoother.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, try to provide more detailed examples that directly relate to your personal or observed experiences. This approach will make your argumentations even more compelling and grounded in reality.
Balanced Argument
Ensure a balance between the advantages and disadvantages discussed, providing equal elaboration and depth to maintain a thoroughly examined argument.
Task Response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering a clear stance that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence & Cohesion
Strong logical structure and appropriate paragraphing make the essay easy to follow and understand.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support the main points, enhancing the argument's credibility.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite