IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some think that governments should tax unhealthy foods to encourage people to eat healthier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #governments #tax #foods #people
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As time progresses alongside the rapid emergence of the fast-
food
Use synonyms
 supply chain, society is increasingly becoming more obese and overweight in terms of people’s health. Many people agree that governments should tax unhealthy foods to improve eating diets to be healthier for everyone. While I accept that
this
Linking Words
 appears logical, I completely disagree with
such
Linking Words
 argument.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of tax would be ineffective, and in fact, people would still buy fast
food
Use synonyms
. One reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and processed
food
Use synonyms
 are high in carbohydrates, sugar, saturated fat (animal fat), all contribute to the tastiness of the dish. Despite the severe health consequences,
such
Linking Words
 as high blood pressure and heart-related diseases, people enjoy buying and eating them since they are delicious and
flavorful
full of flavor
flavourful
. Another reason is that fast
food
Use synonyms
 is cost-effective and readily available immediately when the customers placed orders at the counter. Since the junk
food
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 restaurants use highly perishable and frozen products for their ingredients,
therefore
Linking Words
, their cost of production is cheaper.
In addition
Linking Words
, fast
food
Use synonyms
 refers to
food
Use synonyms
 that can be prepared and served quickly because it is already pre-cooked and able to cook in a matter of minutes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, introducing a new law taxing on
food
Use synonyms
 poses a disadvantage to certain groups of individuals in society. For the low or average income earners,
for instance
Linking Words
, blue-collar workers and university part-time students, they are conscious of their tight budget for
basic necessities
Suggestion
the basic necessities
 of life, and
food
Use synonyms
 is one of them. With the additional
food
Use synonyms
 tax, they now have to pay more than they used to, which is an unfair expenditure.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, due to the taxing policy, the fast-
food
Use synonyms
 outlets themselves
also
Linking Words
 experience a shortcoming in their economy’s profit as they need to
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 their obligation with a payment.
As a result
Linking Words
, the workers would
also
Linking Words
 be laid off because the businesses had undergone a loss in the revenue. For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that taxes on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 are inefficient measures against people’s consumption.
Submitted by Andy on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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