IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #music #role #society #form #entertainment
To begin
 with, the appearance of
music
 in each and every society has changed a lot. Previously there was not
such
 influence about the
music but
Accept comma addition
music, but
 in the 21st era, it has great influence on people. But according to some people thinking that nowadays
music
 plays a marvellous role in the society but there is
also
 some group of people who thinks that it is just a kind of
entertainment
. Let's discuss both the view in appropriate manner and give an opinion on it.
Firstly
, in today's world
music
 has changed a lot and it has great impact on people, long time back there was not
such
 influence about
music
 which we know now. Lately people were only influenced by classical or traditional type of
music
 and there was no different type of
music
 exists. In our olden days musician uses the very least amount of instruments to form a simple kind of
music
. An instrument like sitar, flutes were very popular in the olden days, but nowadays many new different instruments have invented and it has great impact on the musician as well as the
music
 industry too. According to some group of people,
music
 plays an important role in the community and yes, it's true, because
music
 has great importance in almost every field like
for example
: - these day's
music
 is used to cure many diseases like cancer, stress and many other.
Secondly
, there are
also
 some people who say that it is just a simple form of
entertainment
. According to their prospective it might be true because usually, people listen to
music
 to refresh themselves or they listen for the
entertainment
 purpose and as claimed by them,
music
also
 doesn't play an important act in terms of development of a person.
Lastly
, in my opinion
music
 has a great impact on people, but again, it depends on person to person where they are using it for
entertainment
 purpose or they are using in terms to achieve their goals.
Submitted by jay tank on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!