IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The given bar charts illustrate the amount of money in million euros which MG Entertainment profited from divergent categories in three European nations in 1997 and 2007.

The given bar charts illustrate the amount of money in million euros which MG Entertainment profited from divergent categories in three European nations in 1997 and 2007.
#bar #amount #money #million #euros #mg #entertainment #categories #three #european #nations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar charts illustrate the amount of money in
million
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
euros
Change preposition
of euros
show examples
 which MG Entertainment profited from divergent categories in three European nations in 1997 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, the company’s earnings generally declined over the period. To be specific, despite a decrease in the incomes from four fields including
CDs
Use synonyms
 bought from shops, cassettes, vinyl singles and LPs, those
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Internet downloads and online
CDs
Use synonyms
 witnessed a slight growth. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be seen that in 1997, the profit from the German spending on purchasing
CDs
Use synonyms
 from shops was 45
million
Use synonyms
euros
Use synonyms
, followed by the French and Italian, at exactly € 25 and 20
million
Use synonyms
 respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
remainings
Fix the agreement mistake
remaining
show examples
 accounted for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small extent of profit with the figures being under € 15
million
Use synonyms
 among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 nations; especially, Internet downloads were hardly allocated for. Over the period,
although
Linking Words
 the earnings from shop
CDs
Use synonyms
 in German, France, and Italy fell dramatically to about 25, 15, and 12 billion
euros
Use synonyms
 each in 2007, online
CDs
Use synonyms
 and Internet downloads witnessed an opposite pattern with a slight increase in the figure to approximately 5
million
Use synonyms
euros
Use synonyms
 on average. In general, the two remaining sections were loss-making.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words million, euros, cds with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: