IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is a well-known fact that consumer goods have been increasingly cheaper in recent years. Despite some obvious benefits associated with
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, they fail to justify the overwhelming flaws. On the one hand, there are two primary advantages to the greater affordability of existing product lines.
First,
Linking Words
since more and more people can
afford now
Correct word order
now afford
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 basic necessities, living standards have vastly improved. In fact, many households are able to currently purchase
television
Correct article usage
a television
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 and
refrigerator
Correct article usage
a refrigerator
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 that meet their needs for entertainment and food storage.
Second,
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when commodities are offered at lower prices, public purchasing power is boosted
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 drives economic growth. With
prosperous
Correct article usage
a prosperous
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 is well-placed to collect more taxes and invest
this
Linking Words
 money in key fields,
such
Linking Words
 as education and healthcare.
On the other hand
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, the glaring drawbacks of the rise of low-priced
merchandize
Use the right word
merchandise
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 far outweigh these aforementioned positives. By using cheaper quality products, the public risks compromising their well-being. Some manufacturers are likely to resort to
utilizing
Change the spelling
utilising
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 substandard materials and skipping many steps in the production process as a way to cut costs, resulting in lower safety levels for consumers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if the trend towards affordable items is accelerated,
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 exploitation will
rampant
Verb problem
be rampant
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. In China’s emerging sweatshop,
for example
Linking Words
, underpaid workers have to work long hours in appalling working
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 to produce ever-cheaper garments and electronic gadgets. In conclusion, society as a whole has more to lose than gain from the cheapening of goods.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 development is almost inevitable, given the present emphasis on catering for growing consumption demands and achieving economic
prospering
Check wording
prosperity
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.

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task
Be clear on your view from start to end. The first paragraph should state the idea, and the last should agree with it.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with a topic sentence then add proof.
content
Give more clear proof. Use real and clear examples that fit the point you make.
language
Fix grammar and word use. Some phrases are not right, like 'prosperous economic' or 'will rampant'. Use simple and correct forms.
structure
The essay checks both sides of the topic, which helps form a view.
cohesion
There are linking words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' that help flow.
content
A real example is used about sweatshops, which adds weight to the point.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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