IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

If people could choose between a life without working or a life spending too much time working, people would choose a life without work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In these
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These
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 days, whether staying jobless or working intensively has aroused
people
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’s discussion. In my opinion,
while
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 I agree that
people
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 would choose to live without work for many benefits, I believe that others would prefer spending too much
time
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 working
in
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on
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 their growth for equally important factors. On the one hand, I agree that a
life
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 without working will give
people
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 plenty of
time
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 to take care of themselves.
For example
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,
people
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 will not have to try to get work done on
time
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 or think about problems that need solving at work. They can spend that
time
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 working out in order to prevent
pains
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pain
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 and diseases.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 will be able to have opportunities to strengthen their
relationship
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relationships
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 and broaden their horizons in my way. Take
family
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the family
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for instance
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, if family members have sufficient
time
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 to bond together, they can share thoughts and interests, take care together and
also
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 sharpen the family.
On the other hand
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, I believe that others are in favour of the idea that a
life
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 spending too much
time
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 working is of great benefit to their
life
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. If
people
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 spent a lot of
time
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 working, they would earn
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
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 money so that they
can
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could
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 meet their basic needs.
For example
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, we all need money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most
people
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 consider it a priority to earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of
life
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. Moving
further
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, the living standard of our societies can grow dramatically, if each citizen can give a hand to contribute to economic sustainable development.
For example
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, in
Japan
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Japan,
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people
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 spend most of their
time
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 working, which leads to the fact that in recent years,
this
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 country is one of the most developed countries in the world. In conclusion,
while
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 living not working is the choice of many for its advantages, I believe that spending a lot of
time
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 working is
also
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 equally valuable.
Therefore
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,
base
Wrong verb form
based
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 on their own background and visions,
people
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 need to take
this
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 problem into consideration... before reaching
to
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apply
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the final decision

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task response
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coherence cohesion
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