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Band 5

If people could choose between a life without working or a life spending too much time working, people would choose a life without work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #life #time #work
In these
Change preposition
These
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 days, whether staying jobless or working intensively has aroused
people
’s discussion. In my opinion,
while
 I agree that
people
 would choose to live without work for many benefits, I believe that others would prefer spending too much
time
 working
in
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on
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 their growth for equally important factors. On the one hand, I agree that a
life
 without working will give
people
 plenty of
time
 to take care of themselves.
For example
,
people
 will not have to try to get work done on
time
 or think about problems that need solving at work. They can spend that
time
 working out in order to prevent
pains
Fix the agreement mistake
pain
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 and diseases.
Furthermore
,
people
 will be able to have opportunities to strengthen their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 and broaden their horizons in my way. Take
family
Add an article
the family
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for instance
, if family members have sufficient
time
 to bond together, they can share thoughts and interests, take care together and
also
 sharpen the family.
On the other hand
, I believe that others are in favour of the idea that a
life
 spending too much
time
 working is of great benefit to their
life
. If
people
 spent a lot of
time
 working, they would earn
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
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 money so that they
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 meet their basic needs.
For example
, we all need money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most
people
 consider it a priority to earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of
life
. Moving
further
, the living standard of our societies can grow dramatically, if each citizen can give a hand to contribute to economic sustainable development.
For example
, in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
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people
 spend most of their
time
 working, which leads to the fact that in recent years,
this
 country is one of the most developed countries in the world. In conclusion,
while
 living not working is the choice of many for its advantages, I believe that spending a lot of
time
 working is
also
 equally valuable.
Therefore
,
base
Wrong verb form
based
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 on their own background and visions,
people
 need to take
this
 problem into consideration... before reaching
to
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apply
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the final decision
Submitted by hoangan.ussh on

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