IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
For decades, people are dying because of poor eating habits.
Although
, some people think if authorities increase tax will solve the problem, I tend to disagree with
this
 perspective because it will not make people change their habits.
Moreover
, people need to learn more about good eating habits to make people concerned about their
health
.
First
 of all, the
government
 has to provide information about the damage which
junk
food
 can make in our population. Most of the people know some information about the damage that bad eating habits can make, but I strongly believe that it is just superficial and the
government
 needs to work more on that, and
also
 provide knowledge about
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
 and how people can change the eating habits to have a better quality of life. I strongly believe that neither if the
government
 increase the
junk
food
 tax, people will not let to buy. When a person makes a habit it is hard to take off, it does not matter the
price
 and neither the difficulty to buy, people will find a way to buy either if they do not have the money.
Moreover
,
this
 maybe will just make the population angry with the
government
 making protest on the internet against the higher
price
 of the products.
For instance
, people need to be concern about
food
 and what they eat.
For example
, if I say to my wife that she cannot eat
junk
food
 because of the higher
price
, she will not listen to me because
this
 is not a reason to not buy. But if I say for her that she cannot buy
junk
food
 because
this
 has been killing a lot of people in the world and we have a better choice that which it is very delicious and the same
price
, maybe she will listen to me and start to buy
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
. To conclude, increase
junk
food
 tax will not solve the problem and what we need is to make people be concern about their life and their
health
.
However
, it is very difficult to change people mind and the
government
 needs to work with a good base of knowledge to provide for people.
Submitted by jhones.goncalves on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: