IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by the humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

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It is undoubtedly the case that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 worldwide are suffering from the
population
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 explosion and it is turning
to
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out to
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 be the biggest issue ever faced by us. In the essay, I will discuss a few causes for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and provide my support
to
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for
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 the above statement with examples.
One
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 of the prominent
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 for the increase in
population
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 is a lack of awareness.
People
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 see their kids as an investment for their older life. The more they have, the merrier it is.
For example
Linking Words
, a couple may plan for more than a single child assuming that even if
one
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 of them travels outside other
one
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 is still there to take care of them. If the first child is a girl, the assumption these parents have
it
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apply
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is that their daughter will get married and go to her
husband
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husband's
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 family
one
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 day,
hence
Linking Words
 more children are required for their later stages of life. Another important reason is peer pressure. If individuals around us have a large number of kids, they expect us
also
Linking Words
 to have it. They simply assume youngsters are messengers of God and are sent by him. In my view, the biggest challenge in front of
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings
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 is
soaring
Correct article usage
the soaring
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population
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. We humans, simply fail to understand the negative effects of
this
Linking Words
 rise.
For instance
Linking Words
, for more
people
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,
we
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apply
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need to have more food to eat, more jobs to work and earn, and more accommodations to live in.
This
Linking Words
 growth in the number of
people
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 will break the whole setup and planning any government would have done and will
also
Linking Words
 impact the food chain. If in case, we are not able to provide either
one
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 of the above-mentioned requirements,
this
Linking Words
 extra
population
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 can resort to crimes disturbing everyone's lives. In conclusion, the
population
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 explosion is caused by the lack of awareness and peer pressure to have more kids. In my opinion, it is indeed the biggest challenge faced by us and has the potential to disturb the food chain and increase
in
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apply
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crimes around us.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to clearly outline your main points. For example, state specifically that lack of awareness and peer pressure are the primary causes you'll discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses clearly on a single idea and maintains a logical progression between ideas. Some transitions between points could be smoother.
task achievement
Include more specific examples, perhaps by citing statistics or research related to population growth, to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your essay.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents personal opinions effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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