IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #countries #effects
Obesity has become a serious problem mostly in developed countries. Many people claim that it could be harmful to children in rich countries. There are various reasons that causing the kids to be overweight and it has been affected their health badly. Let us discuss the reasons and effects with some relevant examples in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, lack of exercise and having an unbalanced diet making the children fatty. To cite an example, a survey showed that only 45% of kids found to be healthy in the United States of America. Now children are equipped with so many sources of entertainment so they do not feel to find time for sports activities.
Moreover
, the adolescent prefers junk food more because their parents having a hectic schedule and they do not cook food at home. The outside food is made with excessive oil and with a lot of sauces which kills the necessary nutrients. Another reason is stress because they find hard their studies and got pressured by their parents which makes them depressed and unhealthy. Unfortunately, excessive fat is quite harmful to the adolescent's health. It is causing various diseases.
For instance
, most girls are having PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) which makes their menstrual cycle irregular and they are gaining more and more weight. Doctors always advise the affected patient to stay more active by participating in various physical activities and advise them to eat a balanced diet. It
also
 put bad impact on kids appearance which makes them sometimes embarrassed in society. To put it in a nutshell, As we all know that health is wealth. The countries can not develop when they are having unhealthy children because the future depends on them. Even their schools and parents should make them aware of a balanced diet and motivate them to take a part in sports which will keep them happy and healthy.
Submitted by preetjass3333 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: