IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some argue that it is necessary to prioritize economic development over environmental protection, while others believe that protecting the environment should be the top priority. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#argue #prioritize #development #protection #environment #priority
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Some individuals believe that protecting the environment should be a first concern.
In contrast
, others debate that we should prioritize economic development over environmental
protection
.
This
 essay will explore both perspectives and argue that we should prioritize environmental
protection
. We should give environmental protections to be a first concern. If we do not pay attention to them, it will lead to negative impacts—
such
 as animal extinction and global warming issues. environmental
protection
 can mitigate the global warming issue and reduce the
number
 of animal extinctions. If individuals realized the significance of environmental
protection
, it would mitigate the global warming problem and the
number
 of animal extinctions would drop.
For example
, individuals reduce using fuel cars and stop deforestation. The
number
 of melting ice sheets will decrease and some animal species—
such
 as bears and penguins— will not extinction.
Therefore
, the water will not flood the world and some animal species will exist.
On the other hand
, some people believe that we should prioritize economic development rather than environmental
protection
. If we give attention to protecting the environment, economic development will grow minimally.
This
 affects the nation’s income, which will drop over the year.
For example
, if we created a restriction policy on the
number
 of aeroplanes, it would decrease the amount of money that comes from exporting goods.
As a result
, the nation’s income will decline.
This
 effects to negative impacts on the economy of a country. In my opinion, I believe that we should give attention to environmental
protection
. If we were not, it would affect animals and the global warming issue would hardly to mitigated which lead to many adverse impacts.
Submitted by Tiger23 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay should avoid repetition of ideas. For example, the point about global warming is mentioned multiple times in the same way. Try to vary the way you present the same points to maintain the reader's interest and demonstrate language proficiency.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on the counterargument related to economic development. While the essay discusses potential drawbacks, providing more specific examples or discussing potential benefits of economic growth can strengthen this part of the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, succinctly summarizing the discussed viewpoints.
Task Achievement
Good use of specific examples (e.g., fuel cars, aeroplanes, bears, and penguins) to support arguments that illustrate the points made.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical structuring of paragraphs that clearly separate the discussion on environmental protection and economic development, aiding reader understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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