The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what are the possible solutions?

The chart illustrates different types of
music
albums purchased in
U
Correct article usage
the

Your article usage with the geographic name UK may be incorrect.

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K by different gender and
age
groups. Overall, people from 25 to 34 years of
age
bought
pop
music
albums the most whereas more than 45 years of old purchased the least.
Also
Add a comma
,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Also. Consider adding a comma.

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male listeners of
pop
music
were more than their female counterparts. Categorically, among men and women, almost 28 % of men bought
pop
music
in Britain
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas

The word where as seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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only 18 % of women bought the same. Moving on to the other part, nearly 30% of people between 16 to 24
age
group bought
pop
music
albums and
that is
only around 2% less for 25-34
age
group who
were
Change the verb form
was

The verb were does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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also
happened to be the highest number of buyers. Approximately 25% of people between 35 to 44
age
group bought the
pop
music
albums,
however
, only 10% of people more than 45 years old bought the same and that was the lowest among all
age
groups and all gender.
Submitted by arkosingh on

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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