IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Scientific developments in farming always bring major benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#developments
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Technical developments are bringing significant impacts on farming nowadays . In my point of view
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,
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there is a great increase in agricultural numbers
although
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 it may
cause
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 some issues related to
health
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 and quality.
Firstly
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 , today, our food storages are filling out with products with scientific advancements which can not grow up some seasons .
Secondly
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, domestic animals are
also
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 increasing fast . These ratings will be affected by
chemicals
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 which play a big role in growing .
For example
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 , chickens or cows are producing more feed by adding
chemicals
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 .
Also
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 , these
chemicals
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 will help to improve sales and production .
Therefore
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 , we have to use
chemicals
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 for farming after that we will not have any problem with food shortages.
On the other hand
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 , using these kinds of technical advances will play a bad role in today's life. Products will have
chemicals
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 or biological additions to their ingredient. In these keys , their original nutrient will destroyed . It may
cause
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people
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health
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 problems
such
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 as obesity .
For example
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 , some kind of injections for chickens will have to increase their numbers and it will
cause
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 to decrease in their price . After that
people
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 addicted to eating them . Doctors show
this
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 solution for human fat .
Therefore
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 ,
people
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 can face
health
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 issues . In conclusion , using nutrients for farming has both positive and negative sides .
While
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 it can help to increase food supplies , it may
cause
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 negative sides to
people
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's
health
Use synonyms
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph clearly supports your overall argument. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas, and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
Task Achievement
Include more specific, detailed examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate your ability to incorporate relevant data and evidence.
Task Achievement
Clarify your ideas and ensure they are fully developed in each paragraph. Avoid overly general statements and dig deeper into each point to provide a clearer picture of your argument.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the argument.
Task Achievement
The response fully engages with the task, addressing both the benefits and potential drawbacks of scientific developments in farming.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully identifies key issues related to health and quality as being affected by scientific advancements in agriculture.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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