IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

“Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?”

#“many #offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
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A large number of offenders who commit more crime after the
first
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 punishment, leave only to re-offend. There are many causes as well as solutions to
this
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 problem. The main cause is because of the lack of rehabilitation and jobs that make them re-offend. When prisoners are released, due to the lack of rehabilitation, start to commit crimes again.
For example
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, the offenders are not given the training to develop their existing skills in prison but are made to mix with the other offenders, affecting them psychologically to redo crimes once released. Repetitive charge sheets against a person will only to unemployment, as many do not wish to give them a job.
Thus
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 leading to the financial crisis, which in turn more crimes are committed. There are plenty of solutions to
this
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 problem but the priority must be given to enhance and develop newer skills in prison  so that once these offenders are released, they can adapt themselves and work. Their mental and physical well being are
also
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 to be taken into account to understand them better and offer Individual quick fix. Learning new skills, good morals , educational programmes, training in areas of vocational, social and interpersonal relationships can improve and groom the offender into a better human being.
Secondly
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 , employment must be given to these people and they are to be treated equally as the rest of the employees.
Thirdly
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, periodical checking on these criminals can create awareness, to not redo a crime. After prison life , community services can be offered for them to continue and get a sense of belonging , by attending church, social and volunteering groups. In conclusion, the Government must see to it that once these prisoners are released, they are to get jobs for their basic needs, regular monitoring to be done to prevent the increase in crimes.
Submitted by dipshikhaa.r on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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