IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that the idea of having a career with one company is an old-fashioned one. To what extent do you think having several different jobs or careers is better than a career with one company?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that employees are always seeking ways to ensure that they have a secure future and having more than a particular job could be one way of achieving
this
Linking Words
.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that nowadays people are engaged in more than an occupation, there is an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that looking for multiple resources for living is a very brilliant idea which has more underestimated benefits.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it might be said that job security is the majority's ultimate objective.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people are studying and getting high degrees to be the perfect candidate for the most brilliant jobs which ensures a safe and bright future for them.
As a result
Linking Words
 of business competition, companies now are more willing to downsize, reconstruct, and even outsource their workforce.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, even the industry's most proficient employees might be released
due to
Linking Words
 company redundancy. Based on that, workers become more aware of the market circumstances and the threat of being fired without an explicit plan.
However
Linking Words
, the key to reducing
this
Linking Words
 problem is the possibility of being hired
elsewhere
Linking Words
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, It's recommended that a person should keep his employment options open and never take a single occupation for granted.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could raise the level of an employee's creativity and productivity.
For example
Linking Words
 , it might be said that if a worker is hunted by the notion of losing his occupation or being replaced by another competitor, he will achieve more career progression and will have more job prospects. Indeed,
this
Linking Words
 might be an even more motivating factor than increments, perks, or any financial rewards offered by the company in which he works. In conclusion, despite people having different opinions, when a person is likely to be engaged in more than a particular business field and open to so many career choices is always a practical plan of life which has so many advantages for individuals and companies as well.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay is well-structured and includes an introduction and a conclusion. However, try to ensure that all ideas are developed with specific examples and detailed explanations. For instance, while you discuss the benefits of having multiple jobs, providing real-life examples or statistical data could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within a paragraph contribute to that idea. Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, in the second paragraph, explaining the link between job security and the need for multiple jobs more clearly could enhance coherence.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion and presents a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows logically, and your points are generally well-supported.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: