IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In the current society, many people are struggling with obesity. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

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Being overweight is one of the biggest health
problems
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 that
people
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 struggle with today. And
this
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 is
due to
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 the lack of knowledge about some healthy habits or sometimes it is related to the increased
number
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 of junk foods sold in the market. Because of
this
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, the consequences have reached a significant
number
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 of
people
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 with mental health
problems
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 and chronic diseases at early ages.
To begin
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 with, it is impressive the current
number
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 of obese
people
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 around the world in the present time. Especially, the percentage of children and teenagers, and at some point,
this
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 is
due to
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 their parents are not well prepared to develop good routines and healthy habits. And
this
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 is
due to
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 different factors.
First,
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anybody told or taught them how important it was to have good nutrition in order to reach the proper development.
Second,
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they were exposed to unhealthy food and the industry made it look like
this
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 product was very healthy.
For instance
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, soda ads, fast food or even tobacco.
Thus
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,
this
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 leads to have high rate of obesity very quickly.
Consequently
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, the effect of these harmful behaviours is manifested in the increase of various diseases,
such
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 as diabetes mellitus, arterial hypertension, different cardiac
problems
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 and serious mental
problems
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,
such
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 as depression or anxiety.
Moreover
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, if we take into account the
number
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 of
people
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 with any disability that we can find related only to movement limitations is tremendous.
This
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 is not positive neither for the person nor his environment nor for the economy of a country because wherever it is evaluated, it increases considerably the budget of a country. In conclusion, it is crucial that nations around the world take important approaches and decisions about
this
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 topic
,
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apply
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 because
this
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 issue has an important impact on our population.
However
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, in the
last
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 decade, authorities have not done enough to bring some
solution
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solutions
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 in the short term.

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Grammar
Ensure consistency in tense usage throughout your essay to avoid confusion.
Sentence Variety
Consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability and engagement of your text.
Coherence
Focus on tightening your argument's focus to enhance clarity and directness, especially in linking your main points more explicitly.
Task Response
In discussing causes and effects, aim for a balanced approach that allocates equal attention and depth to each aspect of the question.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and provides a clear indication of the essay's direction.
Use of Examples
You made efficient use of examples to illustrate your points, adding depth to your argument.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reinforces the significance of the issue.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • genetic predisposition
  • exacerbated
  • nutrient-deficient
  • caloric intake
  • socioeconomic factors
  • psychological factors
  • chronic diseases
  • discrimination
  • healthcare costs
  • stigma
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