IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Undoubtedly, the focus of the education system in our country is more inclined towards book-oriented learning
instead
Linking Words
 of holistic development.
Although
Linking Words
, some opine that non-technical subjects
such
Linking Words
 as music, theatre and arts are just as important. I personally believe these topics not only provide students with a platform for their personality development but enables them to achieve greatness. In current times, when corporates seek individuals with high technical knowledge in their domain, there are just as many companies who value a dynamic candidate who can enhance the diversity at the workplace.
For example
Linking Words
, a prominent search engine platform is known to give priority to someone who not only has knowledge on the role and is
also
Linking Words
 brings a diverse background ensuring a different approach to problem-solving.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a bouquet of various subjects since the beginning of school can
also
Linking Words
 bring out the natural talent of a young child and he or she can become the
next
Linking Words
 Mozart or Picasso. Depriving them of
this
Linking Words
 option is not only unjust to them but
also
Linking Words
 to our society.
For instance
Linking Words
, if someone with huge potential for singing is only taught computer science and they are never provided with music as a career option are doomed to be an average engineer for life. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the notion that presenting our infants with all the possible options should be made compulsory by the government in all the educational institutions irrespective of what curriculum they follow. It should be their right to choose in which direction they decide to proceed in.
Submitted by stripathi1992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
What to do next:
Look at other essays: