IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #people #address #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Even though youngsters are living a ling wealthy, healthy life in different countries, they are feeling unhappy.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss some of the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 fact and suggest possible solutions to overcome the current problem. Modern lifestyle has a major impact on society, especially for young people.
In other words
Linking Words
, rich youngsters became more dependent on technology and they might feel they are doing less effort.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will feel unsatisfied because they did not achieve their goal by working hard.
Moreover
Linking Words
, being rich at a young age would make them financially independent and secure;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, youngsters might face loneliness and difficulties to make new friends or have good relationships, even with there family members.
For instance
Linking Words
, many studies revealed that many wealthy people were miserable and sometimes committed to suicide. Despite the hardness of
this
Linking Words
 situation, some small solutions could make a huge difference in their souls.
Firstly
Linking Words
, helping other people and volunteering, both have a great effect on youths mental health.
For example
Linking Words
, helping poor children to continue their education, would make a better world and that directly reflect over rich people's heart. They will feel satisfied and they will find happiness in poor children's eyes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, spending time with their parents and their family and socializing, would be a great idea to make them understand the value of existence. In conclusion, money can not buy happiness,
that is
Linking Words
 why young people may felt sad and empty
although
Linking Words
 the fancy healthy life they lived.
Submitted by dr.farah.mohd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: