IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
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The debate over whether high
school
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students
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 should be required to participate in unpaid
community
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service
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 has sparked considerable controversy.
While
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 some advocate for compulsory
service
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 as a means to instil a sense of civic responsibility, I,
along with
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 others, believe that
such
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 mandates are not conducive to
students
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' development for several reasons.
To begin
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 with, every occupation typically offers compensation to motivate employees and recognize their contributions. In the case of unpaid
service
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 programs, high
school
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students
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 lack any tangible incentives, which can lead to apathy or even resistance, particularly if they are not intrinsically motivated to help others.
For example
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, requiring high schoolers to tutor younger children in language skills without offering any form of reward can result in frustration and disengagement, ultimately undermining the educational process.
Additionally
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, core academic subjects hold greater importance for high
school
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students
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'
overall
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 development. Mandatory
community
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service
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 programs not only consume valuable time but
also
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 divert attention and resources away from essential academic pursuits.
For instance
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, educational institutions in Iran observed a decline in
students
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' proficiency in basic subjects after introducing compulsory
service
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 requirements, highlighting the negative impact of reducing instructional time for academic areas.
On the other hand
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, proponents of mandatory
community
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service
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 argue that it fosters a sense of communal responsibility and contributes to societal well-being.
However
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,
this
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 perspective fails to consider the potential negative consequences for
students
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 who are not inclined towards
such
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 activities. Mandatory
service
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 requirements may lead to resentment and disillusionment among
students
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, ultimately detracting from their educational experience. In conclusion,
while
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 some advocate for mandatory
community
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service
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 as a means to promote civic engagement, I believe that
such
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 mandates are not in the best interest of high
school
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students
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.
Instead
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 of fostering a genuine sense of
community
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 involvement, compulsory
service
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 requirements may lead to student resentment and detract from their academic pursuits.
Therefore
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, it is essential to prioritize
students
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' educational needs and provide opportunities for voluntary
community
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 engagement that align with their interests and passions.
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task achievement
Ensure that each point in your essay fully supports your thesis and that your arguments are elaborated upon with specific and detailed examples.
task achievement
When providing examples, consider adding more specificity to illustrate your points better. This will make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You can improve coherence by ensuring that there's a seamless flow between paragraphs. Transitional phrases can be used more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion. The main points are adequately supported, which adds to the strength of your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by considering multiple perspectives on the issue, showing a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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