The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the past decade, we have strived to bring all our communication and social interaction to our fingertips. But

this

transformation has

also

borne some unprecedented problems which pose the argument about whether the pros outweigh the cons that mobile life has to offer. Social anxiety, cyber-bullying, and obesity are issues that have simmered up in proportion to mobile phone usage. While phones have brought us closer virtually, it has

also

reduced the need for real-life interactions.

Consequently

, making sedentary lifestyle a new normal and obesity the result of it. Not to mention the lack of physical interaction

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makes us anxious when placed in a real-life social gathering. An Oxford study has shown, cases of social anxiety and depression have increased by 130% in the past decade. Cyber-bullying is

also

a curse of

this

mobile age, where people can hide behind their phones and comment, venting out frustrations while being oblivious of real-world consequences. Mobiles aren't a replacement for humans

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if so we will always feel a lonely and depressed as soon as we keep our phones down. On the flip side, mobiles were invented to help humanity and we cannot neglect the benefits brought about by them. Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, and Snapchat have bridged the gap of communication and social interaction across the globe. We can work today from any corner of the world due to these mobile devices. But each of

this

company

also

aims to addict us, as their monetization strategy depends on our screen time. In conclusion, If we make a sane decision to limit our

usage

Replace the word

users

show examples

based on our needs rather than seeking a replacement of the human world, we could reap the benefits of the mobile age.

Submitted by Nirbhay on Fri Sep 18 2020

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

over-reliance
cyberbullying
screen time
data privacy
identity theft
financial fraud
eye strain
sleep disorders
chronic issues
productivity
notifications
validation
self-esteem

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