Some people think personal happiness is closely related to economic success, while others believe that it depends on other factors. Discuss both views

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People have different views about happiness, many people believe that personal happiness is the outcome of having lots of

money

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, while other people think that delight of people relies on other causes.

This

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essay will consider both points of view. On the one hand, there is a popular thought that the delight of people depends on the high income due to many reasons.

Firstly

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, people could buy whatever they want. Economy success brings inhabitants a better life because it helps people to improve condition living.

For instance

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, if poor people become

wealth

Replace the word

wealthy

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, they could buy plenty of things

such

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as food, news clothes and so on.

Secondly

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, thanks to a lot of economic success that people can develop themselves. To illustrate, parents usually want their children to learn places in which have a good education,

therefore

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young people with much

money

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can go to developed countries

such

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as America, France, and so on to learn in the best schools.

Furthermore

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, they can get good jobs with a higher salary after graduating.

On the other hand

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, some people believe that they feel happy with other things rather than

money

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due to several causes. The

first

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point is that relatives are very important to people. Because of that, when people face difficulties, the family is a place that people can share and help each other.

For example

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, people are old, relatives who made people feel happy

instead

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of having a lot of

money

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. The

second

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point is that the times. Obviously,

money

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does not buy

time

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. There are many young people who spend a lot of

time

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playing and partying, and

as a result

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, they lose perfect

time

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instead

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of using it to study more interesting things around themselves. In conclusion, economic success brings happiness for people because they can purchase anything as well as they can use to develop themselves, whereas other people think that family and

time

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are important to be a happy life.

Submitted by nguyennhancrazy on Wed Sep 30 2020

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13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
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Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

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Some people think personal happiness is closely related to economic success, while others believe that it depends on other factors. Discuss both views

Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What metal and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games? How could these problems be reduced?