IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

#crime #violence #media #offer #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the
last
Linking Words
 years, the reason for the increase in juvenile crime is often discussed. All different formats of media,
such
Linking Words
 as television, newspaper, and the internet have shown news related to
violence
Use synonyms
. Certainly, the media is not the main cause of
violence
Use synonyms
. It just tells people what news is relevant at that moment.
However
Linking Words
, mainly in children,
this
Linking Words
 type of news can have any influence on their behaviour if they have
access
Use synonyms
 to it. There are contributing factors to why the rate of juvenile crime is increasing due to the
violence
Use synonyms
 in the media.
Firstly
Linking Words
, nowadays children have easy
access
Use synonyms
 to a variety of contents in the media. Young children are raised playing violent games and with unlimited
access
Use synonyms
 to any kind of
content
Use synonyms
 on the internet. Recently was developed
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research about the relation of violent video games to adolescent aggression. The results showed that there was a significant positive correlation between exposure to violent video games and adolescent aggression. Based on
this
Linking Words
 research, I can be convinced that exists an influence on the violent
content
Use synonyms
 on juvenile behaviour.
However
Linking Words
, imposing strict regulation on
content
Use synonyms
 could prevent a lot of these happenings. While movies are rated for the suitability, there is no
such
Linking Words
 provision for games and on internet
access
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I strongly stand by the idea that
violence
Use synonyms
 in the media is one of the reasons behind the juvenile crime and the way to prevent it is by ensuring restricted
access
Use synonyms
 for kids to these kinds of
content
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I am convinced that the media is not the main cause of
violence
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by gustavo.cavarzani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: