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Band 5.5

All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #laptop #school
Some people argue that
students
 should have their personal
laptops
 starting from high school in order to boost their studying. In my opinion,
while
 there are both disadvantages and advantages, I believe that owning personal devices will
definite
Change the adjective
definitely
show examples
 prepare them for the future. On one hand, some might argue that using computers might cause
students
 to lose their focus quickly. Because of many options available via
laptops
such
 as games, websites, photos or videos, many tend to look out for those contents rather than
studying
Replace the word
study
show examples
.
For example
,
while
 researching for essays or presentations, they may check out social media or surf websites and forget what
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the task they meant to do.
Therefore
, owning a laptop might distract
students
 from studying.
On the other hand
,
laptops
 provide some clear advantages as they are great supporting tools.
For instance
, in many schools,
students
 use their
laptops
 to research different topics and prepare for their writings or pitches,
thus
 they develop self-studying and
analyse
Replace the word
analysis
show examples
skills
.
Furthermore
, computer
skills
 are important to the modern workplace,
therefore
 being able to learn these
skills
 at
young
Capitalize word
Young
show examples
 ages help to prepare children.
With
Change preposition
For
show examples
 these reasons, the advantages of owning
laptops
 might not be denied.
To conclude
, having a personal computer at
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 ages may have both positive and negative effects. I am certain that outcomes
such
 as developing self-studying and computer
skills
 are important to
students
.
However
, parents and schools need to monitor and educate
students
 so that they do not misuse and overuse their devices.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic and thesis statement. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the main point of each paragraph.
task response
The essay adequately responds to the task, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of students having laptops in high school. Make sure to present a clear position and provide specific examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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