IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

#people #advertisements #products #lives
Advertising become easier with the growth of technology. Some believe commercials inspire people to purchase unnecessary items.While others think it is a good way to find out
l
Add an article
the
show examples
atest products to fulfil their needs.
However
, I partially agree on the above statement and throughout
this
 essay
Add a comma
,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain it
furthermore
. it is certain that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Advertisements can improve people's lifestyle because it helps them to identify good and valuable stuff. Due to the busier schedule
Add a comma
,
show examples
we do not have enough time to visit from one store to the other to check the quality or the pricing of items. But now you can watch or listen to those paid ads on radio or TV while you engage with some other work.
For example
, A survey done in London University found out that, 65% of people inspired to purchase new items through TV/radio advert because it reduces the time of comparing prices.
Thus
, it is true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 television announcements can assist society to obtain products and improve their lies.
On the other hand
, ads can fire up people's mind and it may lead you to get unwanted items just because you notice something several times in different place . To explain more when you checking a supermarket catalogue it can inspire to buy things
such
 as buy 1 get 1 free.
Moreover
Add a comma
,
show examples
some products can be on sale with false information
such
 as vitamins and skincare.
For instance
, I bought a face cream after watching several ads on tv and newspapers.
As a result
, I ended up having dry skin.
Hence
, television advert can stir up people's mind to get unnecessary items after a few commercials. To sum up, even though in our busier day to day ads can help to compare and find the better value, in my point of view we should be wise enough to buy things only we need.
Submitted by shalithfdo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: