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Writing Samples
Band 5

Economic progress is one way to measure the success of a country, while some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered? Within these factors, do you think anyone is more important than economic progress?

#progress #measure #success #country #people #factors #anyone
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It is thought that giving importance to economic development is one way to
measure
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 the
success
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 of a
nation
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,
whereas
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, some folks consider that there are many factors which should be noticed. I believe that environmental, educational and social equality are crucial indicators of a
country
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's
success
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 and I will
discus
Correct your spelling
discuss
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 one most important
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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 in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 should not only consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
economic growth but
also
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 think about
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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,
Correct word choice
and, education
show examples
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 system to
measure
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 a
nation
Use synonyms
's
success
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.
Firstly
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, clean surroundings are crucial to survive longer in
this
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 contemporary
words
Correct your spelling
world
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 in order to live free from diseases so that citizens
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 work hard for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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nation
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's
success
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.
For example
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, if
people
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 do not
get
Verb problem
have
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healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 environment
then
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 they will not be able to get their selves involved to bring their
nation
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 towards
success
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,
therefore
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,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 lifestyle should be taken into account if the government wants its
nation
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succeed
Add the particle
to succeed
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.
As a result
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,
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nation
Add an article
the nation
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 will have
bright
Correct article usage
a bright
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 future with
clean
Correct article usage
a clean
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 environment.
However
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, a question is raised by some
people
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 that does
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education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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mandatory for a
country
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's
success
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? I stick with
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 point that
education
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 is the most important factor
to
Change preposition
in measuring
show examples
measure
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 the
success
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 of a
country
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.
For example
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, a
country
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 requires excellent medical facilities in order to get healthy citizens and
this
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 can be possible if it has qualified nurses and doctors to handle every situation despite all the predicaments,
therefore
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,
education
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 provides us multiple
telanet
Correct your spelling
telnet
talent
 in various fields which push a
country
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 towards
success
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.
As a result
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, educated
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nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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 will get a higher
success
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 rate than those countries where
people
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 lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
education
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.
Finally
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,
although
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 economic development is seen to
measure
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 the
success
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 of
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country
Add an article
the country
a country
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, we should not neglect other factors which are equally significant for the
success
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 of a particular
nation
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. Giving equal importance to all aspects will
become
Verb problem
make
show examples
 a
country
Use synonyms
 more developed.
Submitted by maninderdeep on

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coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down some of the longer sentences to improve readability and clarity. Shorter sentences can help ensure your points are easily understood.
task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state your main points in a concise thesis statement to set a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will help strengthen your points and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
The essay covers a broad range of factors related to a country's success, which shows a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The arguments presented are relevant and logically structured, contributing to a coherent argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic progress
  • social well-being
  • healthcare
  • education
  • social equality
  • environmental sustainability
  • sustainable development
  • natural resources
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • resource depletion
  • political stability
  • rule of law
  • democratic governance
  • corruption
  • quality of life
  • life expectancy
  • work-life balance
  • happiness
  • technological development
  • infrastructure development
  • standard of living
What to do next:
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